The toxic boss.

Not every difficult manager is toxic. Some are under pressure, poor communicators or simply very different from us. The word matters because it describes more than a bad week or an uncomfortable piece of feedback.

The problem begins when uncertainty becomes the working environment. Expectations move without warning. Feedback feels designed to diminish rather than develop. You spend more time managing the person than doing the work.

The slow change in you

You may start checking messages repeatedly before sending them. You rehearse ordinary conversations, avoid making decisions and try to predict which version of your manager will arrive today.

Over time, competent people can become hesitant. Work takes longer because everything is checked again and again. Creativity disappears. The goal is no longer to do excellent work. It is to avoid the next negative reaction.

Demanding is not the same as damaging

A strong manager can set high standards and still create safety. You know what good looks like. Feedback is specific. Questions are welcome. Mistakes are addressed without becoming a judgement on your character.

A damaging pattern is different. Standards are unclear or inconsistent. Success offers only temporary protection. You cannot confidently explain what would make the relationship improve because the rules keep changing.

Getting clear about your choices

Document specific events and their impact. Speak to someone outside the dynamic who can help you test your perspective. Consider what would need to change for the situation to become workable, and whether that change is realistic.

You might clarify expectations, seek formal support, move teams or leave. The right decision depends on your circumstances. What matters is remembering that endurance is not the same as resilience, and another person’s behaviour is not the final measure of your professional worth.

Build your support network

One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to cope alone.

Talk to trusted colleagues. Speak to mentors. Reach out to people in your professional network. Sometimes hearing someone say, “I’ve been there too”, is exactly what you need.

That is one of the reasons Women in Financial Crime exists. No one should feel they have to navigate these challenges on their own.

Focus on what you can control

One important lesson is that you cannot control another person’s behaviour. You can control:

• The quality of your work.
• Your professionalism.
• Your communication.
• Your wellbeing.
• Your career choices.

We often spend far too much energy trying to become the version of ourselves that will finally earn someone else’s approval. The reality is that some managers will always find something else to criticise.

Instead of asking, “How do I make them happy?”, try asking, “Is this still the right place for me?”

That question can change everything.

Know when it is time to leave

Sometimes the healthiest decision is to move on. Leaving is not failure. It is recognising that your skills deserve an environment where you can grow.

Ask yourself:

• Am I still learning?
• Do I feel respected?
• Is this affecting my health?
• Can I see myself here in twelve months?
• Would I encourage a friend to stay in this situation?

If the answer to that last question is no, it may be time to start exploring new opportunities.

There are good leaders in our profession. There are supportive teams. There are organisations where you will be challenged, respected and encouraged to develop. Do not settle for less.

Final thoughts

If you are reading this because work has become something you dread, remember this: this situation does not get to define your future.

One manager does not get to decide your worth, your future or your career.

Keep learning. Keep building your network. Keep backing yourself, even on the days when that is difficult.

One day you may look back and realise that the environment making you question yourself was never the place where you could thrive.

Financial crime needs talented women who ask questions, challenge decisions and genuinely care about doing the right thing.

And if this article has resonated with you, I hope it reminds you of one final thing: you are probably far more capable than you realise.